Um, ya...

This is something i made for Matt. Gonna miss that guy big time. Going to be wierd when i get back and he's not here. This is my first make in quite a while. i couldn't not make him a card & i do like to get messy. Normally i am itching to create if i don't have time to make stuff for a few days, but the last month i just haven't felt like it at all. And there has been sooo much planning to do. i am excited about getting back into my photography while i'm away though.

The last few weeks a few old wounds have started to heal & i'm moving forward. And it feels good!

So it's 1 month till my birthday and just 2 weeks till i set off on my great adventure. People keep asking me if i'm scared or nervous. And i say nope! It's the truth. Maybe i should be by now, but i'm really not. i know it's going to be amazing. i know i'm going to meet awesome people. i know there's going to be times when it's really tough and i miss home. But it's all part of the experience. And i can't wait!! Seriously sooo excited!

i'm starting to say my good-bye for nows in the next week or so and am finishing work. The time is flying at the moment. i've spent lots of time with friends lately, been sooo busy. Catching up with people i haven't seen in ages and hanging out with the requlars as much as possible. i'm excited about the stuff i have planned for the next two weeks, but it's going to be emotional too. i know when i actually have to say my fairwells, i'm going to find it really tough but i'm feeling a lot more positive about going now and just can't wait to be gone! Ummmm.... Hello!! Have you seen how dull/grey/miserable England is right now? I'm going to be spending the entire winter in hot, sunny places like Australia & Thailand!

It's starting to dawn on me that the stuff i've been dreaming of for years, is just around the corner. And i'm so pleased with myself for making it happen!

Stardust, Air Traffic Pizza & The Pod.

i realised today that i haven't been blogging any of my usual stuff like cinema and music, it's all been about travel! Sooo...

Stardust. This film is amazing!! i loved it! i am so into fantasy films & this is a bit lovvey dovey too. One of my favourite films of the year.

Air traffic are my number one's at the moment. Love them. Although listening to them makes me do crazy things. Shooting Star is my favourite, because it's how i feel about him. Buy the album and let it make you do crazy things too. The artwork is also cool. And they are from Bournemouth, local boys. Awesome.

My ipod arrived Friday & i finally finished synching it, also managed to figure out how to get photos on it too, handy for when i'm away and want to see everyone's ugly faces. he he. In love with the pod.

i went to one of my fav restaurants and ordered my usual fav pizza, without even looking at the menu. Quattro Fromaggi. It's the best pizza EVER. The end. i was told by the food server that it was no longer on the menu! WTF!! i am devastated. i mean, i am actually in mourning. Write to Head Office and complain. For me. Do it! i cannot imagine a life without Quattro Fromaggi in it!

Getting excited!

Foriegn currency makes me happy!! How cool are these notes?! i only have my Yen and some Aussie Dollars (pressie from Mum- thanks!) sorted, i don't want to be carrying a lot of cash on me so i'll be mostly withdrawing cash along the way.

This week has been good, i'm getting really excited about going, and i've got myself organised. So it's all starting to feel real! Just a few more things to get sorted this week and then i'm pretty much ready to go!

i handed in my notice yesterday! i really am going to miss sooo many people from work, loads. So many special people at the restaurant who make my days happy.

i've had lots of lovely messages after last weeks post. Thank-you so much! Things in my head are a lot less muddled now! And i'm feeling a lot more positive about the big step that i'm about to take. i really couldn't be doing it without the support of my family & friends. You are amazing.

Today - A Battle

Today i have eaten a huge amount of chocolate. Which is not good. It's my comfort food, i always turn to it without fail when i am depressed.

i've been so busy the last few months, trying to keep myself occupied so as not to think about leaving everyone who loves me no matter what. And i have had the best time, been the happiest i can ever remember being, other people have noticed it too. i've been making new friends & connecting with old ones. For the last 6 weeks or so my days have changed, i've been less introverted, they've been lacking in the things that i usually occupy my time with, like films, photography, scrapping, art & blogging. i've been socialising loads, obsessing over Facebook & msn & feeling the need to be connected to people.

Today i've had to spend some time alone & i've not know what to do with myself. It's been lonely, & i've not felt that in a long time. i feel stupid for needing to feel wanted. Angry at myself for relying on other people to bring me everyday happiness. i should be stronger than that. i'm scared that when i'm wondering the world on my own i won't find the strength to love myself enough to be happy. And that's what scares me most about the trip. Because i've been there & don't want to go there again, but i know i will. i look back over the last few years when i've been away from home & realise all the good it's done me, but also how unhappy i was at times. My home is not where i live but my friends & family. And i don't feel like the best of me when i'm away from home, but i'm going to have to learn how to. All by myself.

i have been planning this trip for so long, been desperate for the time to come. Been so excited about it, and don't get me wrong, i still am. But the closer i get to leaving the more i want to stay. i never experienced this last time & it's freaking me out!! i always suffer from itchy feet, have always thought that i would end up settling in another country, that the pages of my book were unwritten & that anything could happen. But recently have began to realise that this is where i need to be. And have been feeling fairly certain that when i return, that this time it will be for good!

Today i started my journal, to record my ups & downs in the run up to my departure, for the really personal stuff that i don't want to share, the stuff that is just for me. i don't have many down days like this, mostly i am super excited about what lies ahead, but i need to record them.

It's all part of the journey.

Maximo Park

Were awesome! The things i remember from the gig are: Red, dancing in the aisles, glittery drum kit, bowler hats & a huge amount of crowd surfing. Good Shoes were supporting, which me & Han were super hyped about!! We also went to the aftershow dj set at LJR which was brilliant until the band showed up & started doing their set, which was awful! We shortly departed.

The Triple A Team!

i've just had one of the most awesome bestest weekends ever! Adam & Amy were here to stay and we talked, laughed our guts up, watched Old School, chatted til the early hours, saw the sights of Portsmouth {which in their words is 'pretty, but rough'!} went up the Spinnaker Tower, went fancy dress shopping, ate out, watched X Factor & got very drunk! It was brilliant and now i miss them.

Photo's courtesy of Adam & Amy!

Super happy!

This is me doing the super happy thing. i'm wearing the new top that Anna bought me. It's the coolest. And i have a double chin when i smile & i'm not afraid to post pictures of my double chin cos that's who i am. yep!

You know those moments that happen that you want to hold onto forever? The ones that you wish you could remember exactly how you felt when they happened? The ones that you want to remember again and again? i've had quite a few of those moments recently & they are making me super happy! But they are not for blogville, and they are probably not to be scrapped either, they will just stay in my memory. Yesterday Adam called me a 'sneaky hobbit thief of truth', which made me laugh out loud. It's probably the most brilliant phrase i've ever heard. i'm pretty honest & open about myself, but not everything has to be out there. So i will be a sneaky hobbit thief of truth when i want to be.

There has been no scrapping this week & i'm ok with that. No guilt. There has been tidying. And lots of internet surfing & itunes uploading.

i saw this film yesterday and this film tonight, which made me laugh my guts up. Anna & i were laughing when no one else was laughing, but we didn't care. i had a fab night with Anna & Lauren. Laughing makes me feel so good. i love spending time with my friends soooo much.

And tomorrow Adam & Amy are arriving. We will be doing touristy things & shopping for 70's outfits & dancing till the music stops. i haven't seen them since July but i know it will only feel like yesterday when they are here. They are doubling the number of people who live in this house. We will be fighting over the bathroom me thinks!

Is anyone else freaking out that it's October already?

6 weeks!

6 weeks! 6 weeks till i leave for Japan! ack!

The last 2 days i've been shopping. Saturday i mostly bought stuff i really didn't need & yesterday i bought stuff that i really did need! My backpack is sorted! Yay! Much happier now i've got it. i've tried on quite a few... Didn't want to get one too big cos i know i'll take too much stuff & wasn't happy about getting one with a daypack, but i think i'll be grateful that i did.

Spent some time in Old Portsmouth on Saturday. Loving the old phoneboxes, lamposts & brighly coloured houses. This photo was taken a few weeks ago in Fareham. LOVE old phoneboxes! They are so English.

Uber inspired by Steven Harrington who i discovered through Stranger magazine which i randomly picked up on Saturday. It's a very cool mag. Also inspired by my friend Matt, who is talented beyond belief & doesn't even realise it! He's heading off in the opposite direction of the world to me around the same time that i leave, but for real & for permanent! Not too happy about that!